Who needs an alarm clock when you have one of these? 1200 phrases? How many ways are there to tell you to get out of bed?

It'll end in tears - jet powered wheelchair.

Anyone watched I, Robot recently? The future is closer than you think....

I saw this story flash across the bottom as a news feed whilst watching BBC3 last night (no don't ask I why I was watching BBC3). The winner of the annual bog snorkelling competition. Lucky git won a years supply of ice cream apparently....

Bear tries to escape zoo on bicycle. I reckon he should have tried a skateboard....

If you live in Kingswinford then please be carefull when feeding the ducks.

Harmless pictures of playfull fruit or is that lemon really getting it on with Mr Lime? You decide. I don't know about the lemon enjoying it but the lime cetainly is!

Weird idea of the day - Sushi specs.

I was going to say sorry for my obvious lack of posting in the last few days but you know what, I'm not going to. It was a bank holiday weekend - three days which are meant to be spent being as lazy as possible - and it would be plain wrong for me to go against that. I'm sure there is some law somewhere that says you are not allowed to do anything productive over a bank holiday?

So me and my snuffly nose (how come I always get a cold when I go to visit the family?) vegged out in front of the telly watching all the rubbish repeats that they always put on whilst trying to perfect my Barry White impression courtesy of my currently rather husky voice. I played Total Annhilation with a friend (and trounced him). I went into town to purchase some new shoes but don't worry, although that sounds productive I actually just came back with a new umbrella (with a pretty enthusiastic quick open action).

But after almost a week and a half I crash back to reality with a 7am start at work today. Oh how I've missed work. One of the first questions I get to answer is from the head of an evangelical church wanting to know if we can help with three dozen Hi8 camcorders that have gone wrong......

A good variation on Battleships to amuse for a while.
(link via Bloggerheads)

A little odd.

Modern art - it's all rubbish!

Whilst very environmentally friendly this still seems a little silly to me - using bananas as fuel.

The thought of eternal salvation not enought to tempt you back to church? What about some free chocolate?

So I actually had a good time at home. The 4 days went by surprisingly fast and I didn't really get bored. This was partly due to being lent 7 West Wing videos by a friend before I left so all those long hours during the day or evening where I had nothing to do were filled.

Did I find the answer I was seeking? Not a chance. I'm not sure there is a right answer to be honest? But all those hours on the beach spent throwing stones at waves and thinking were not in vain!! I think if your intentions are good and you are a little carefull you just have to do what you feel you need to. Life is far too short to worry about all the possible outcomes of your actions. Enjoy it whilst you can and if you make a mistake then fix it after rather than trying to prevent it!

Oddly enough my Nan is my role model on the path to being chilled out. I always go to visit her when home and although I usually end up horse from having to talk so loudly (and she still misses half of what I say) I enjoy chatting to her. She was telling me this time about her new doctor.

"A lot of people don't like him because he is so young and are worried about being examined by him. I say everyone has to start at some point and he might know more than some of those old doctors. And if I have to be naked in front of him then so what!? I'm 94, why would I care?!"

Hope I'm that easy going when I'm her age.

So what else did I do at home? Well, we all went out for a meal to celebrate my mothers birthday (I spent the first 30 mins watching one of the women serving food, trying to figure out why she looked familar and why I found her attractive before realising she looked like a bigger version of my ex). I sat on the beach (and tried to take arty photos).



For the first time in years I also made a trip to the back end of nowhere to visit my sisters farm (and be surrounded by dogs, cats and the smell of horse poo).



And that was pretty much it folks....

"A 634 ft limousine". And something about comfort or luxury. Thats what I noticed was on a billboard for the new Virgin trains when we pulled out of Birmingham station yesterday. I have to say its true too - or would be if you had to stand up the whole time when riding in a limo (5 hours stood up on the way back). It would be if the air conditioning was buggered so that you either felt like you were in a freezer (on the way down) or sauna (on the way back). It would be if you were unable to get a hot drink because the machine was broken (both journeys). It would be if there was no way to open a window to let in a little air or the doors close automatically when you are half way thro. Oh yes, identical.....

Still, train trips can be fun as there are usually things going on to watch. The weird woman with the large bulbous nose that kept swearing, tutting and talking to herself under her breath everytime someone had to squeeze past her in the corridor - thus interrupting her reading of the highly intellectual Chat magazine! The suited business man I watched sat in an empty carriage on the train next to ours at the station who was flicking through his recently purchased porn mag (until caught by a young woman that came up behind him when he wasn't watching). The knowing smile I exchanged with the short skirted Cardiff student vainly being chatted up by a bloke from Brummie.

Worth the £101.30 that I paid for the ticket? Not a chance!

Yeah, I'm back. Before I regale you with stories of my trip however, please take a look at this. If you want to post the link on your own site, please do.

I know that the chance of me being able to help by doing this are beyond tiny but it's the only thing I can think to do when nothing I say can make things better for a friend that means the world to me....

Would you believe I was busy yesterday. Yup, me that never has any work had things to do. The morning was spent in interviews and they went surprisingly well - apart from the bit where I had to give the tour. How can you make rows of racked servers interesting to anyone? I need to work on that.

Anyway, we got our man (or woman in this case) - I just hope the job doesn't drive her insane after a couple of weeks. Working in a section with three blokey blokes doing a dull job, she'll love it! My afternoon was spent on the helpdesk answering what seemed to be a never ending stream of queries - I kept wanting to say "It's friday afternoon, why the hell do you need this fixed. Bugger off home and leave me in peace damn you!" I didn't (well only when out of earshot anyway).

Of course today is the day I travel to the land of non-interwebnet access to see my family. I know I do moan about going sometimes because although it is nice to see my folks, the lack of all the things I'm used to in my life here do make it very boring. Truth is tho, I do actually usually feel better for going for just that reason. For a week, I don't have my life anymore - no satelite TV, no computer, no work, no friends, no pub trips and that means I feel kinda seperated from all the things that usually bother me. I guess it's a short break from my life and all its worries.

This week I need that break! It's been a pretty draining week to be honest and there are some things going on that I'm not sure what to do about. I wish I did, I wish I could just come up with some sagely answer that fixed everything but that seems unlikely to happen. Every answer comes at a price - either for me or for others.

So I'm going home. I'm going to take a step back from my life and sit on the beach by myself watching the sun reflecting on the waves. I'm going to throw stones in rockpools and run my fingers through the sand. I'm going to try and take arty pictures with my digital camera. And I'm going to hope that at some point everything becomes clear and simple.

I'll see you all in about 5 days time - be happy folks.

A nursing home beauty pageant. My personal favourite - Ms. Extendicare Health & Rehab Center. Someone hose me down.....

This is a great game - very original and it looks really nice and atmospheric. People kept interupting me tho so I don't know how hard it gets at the later stages. A Murder of Crows
(link via Bloggerheads)

Todays reason for the small amount of bloggage is not because I'm feeling lazy and unmotivated (okay, maybe a little). Far from it, I'm actually feeling good today. Sometimes all it takes are a few words from someone and the World can seem a much different place. Do you believe in Angels? I know Andre does.

No, the reason today is that I have to be on an interview panel tomorrow and I thought I should at least try and make an effort to learn a little about the candidates. Actually, thats just given me a good idea to go and Google them all - I hear thats the done thing nowdays.... Nope nothing interesting - although one of them does have the same name as a well known singer which makes it a little harder. Maybe it is the well known singer?

There are only three candidates left now and I'm actually looking forward to this. I say that now of course. In my minds eye I'm this smooth and calm (but friendly) bloke asking them just the right questions. In actuality I'll probably turn into a mumbling wreck and forget all the exciting questions I've thought up for them - instead asking what they would do if someone reported a problem with that telly thing that came with the computer.

Hopefully they shall be more nervous than me. I remember one interview I went to many years ago (I was unemployed at the time). When we got to the end of the interview and they asked if I'd take the job if it was offered, I somewhat stupidly replied "Well, I guess it's better than what I'm doing now!". They never phoned oddly enough......

I heard that Poons! Tis merely a passing resemblance....

Whilst I am doing some actual blogging, is anyone else have trouble posting on Blogger using FireFox? Just curious - been patchy the last few days.

Also, does anyone know anywhere good to stay in Prague. Its only a couple of months before I go and altho days like this with loads of free time on my hands should be perfect for hotel hunting, I've not got round to it. Suggestions appreciated.

Oh go on then - playing daft games is about all I have managed to focus on today.

You ever have those days where you are totally unmotivated or have things on your mind? The kind of days where although you have absolutely nothing at all to do and so much time on your hands that it's silly, you still don't get anything done (like blogging) because everytime you start something you lose interest after about 46 seconds?

Or is that just me?

Today.

Sorry.

If you've not been over to The Creatures in my Head recently (like me) then take a look. He's flashified (it's a technical term - honest) the website. Looks good.

Whilst at the festival over the weekend there were a lot of people performing all sorts of circus skills and - just like last year at Summer Sundae - I was overcome with that childlike, usually shortlived urge of "Oooh, I want to do that!".

Like I said I had this urge last year (and probably the year before) but it never actually made it beyond the stage of looking at a few pages on the interwebnet before it was buried under my usualy lethargy. So I though maybe this year should be different.

For a start I should really work on my juggling skills. Once upon a time there were not that many people that could juggle. My basic skills - learnt whilst bored one afternoon after school using a few balls from our mini snooker table - served me well for many years. Now however every man and his granny can juggle a little bit. The time has come for me to learn some new flashy moves to wow everybody. Maybe I could even work on the old 5 ball juggle? It's not actually very hard but I just got bored very quickly of crawling round the floor on my hands and knees chasing balls I dropped, to ever get any good.

The other thing I want to learn is to use poi. You know, those ball things on string that you twirl. Looks great when people can really use them and watching someone twirl glowing poi in the dark is dead impressive. I can picture myself now, performing one intricate and complex move after another whilst surrounded by numerous adoring young women. Wha... I can dream can't I?!

Anyway I'm confident that my natural abilities and hand eye co-ordination will let me master it pretty quickly (he says cockily) - the only things holding me back are
a)having to buy some poi from somewhere
b)trying to ignore the jibes of the kids next door when practicing in the garden.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Slacking after all my fun this weekend. Happy Birthday Poons for last Saturday!!

I have no idea why you would want to vacuum your desk but should you feel the need - or just have a Hello Kitty fetish - then this is for you.

For all you iPod owners, a nifty robot holder. Doesnt seem to do anything but looks cool.

Hah - that'll teach the little geek.

Dirty rotters - they don't just steal his bike but wreck his tent as well.

Save the world with little steps. I must admit that I do try to not use platic carrier bags nowdays, turn the tap off when cleaning my teeth and turn off appliances when not using them. It all helps.

Rain and pain were the big points of the day. After being kind on Saturday, those fickle Gods of the music festival decided that Leicester looked a little on the dry side and sent several hours of rain - sometimes heavy, sometimes just a drizzle. The pain point came from there being nowhere to sit once the ground got all squelchy and after 5 hours of that, muscles started to ache. My back feels like someone has walked over it - or maybe that should be feels like someone should walk over it as it might actually make it feel better.

I think the music was an improvement over the day before but that might be because I made the effort to look around the different stages a little more and see what was on. So what did I see? Well, first stop was a visit to the accoustic tent to see local musician and supplier (to me) of fine beer and ice cream when I visit the pub, Charlie Post. Shame she was only allowed to do 2 songs - would have liked to hear a few more. A nice voice (but then log time readers will know I have a thing for female vocals).

Briefly running down the others I saw yesterday there was Tom Robinson who was very entertaining and really knew how to get the crowd into it even tho the weather was pretty dire around then. Ed Harcourt was quite good although not really what I would listen to normally if given a choice.

Last up and finishing the day off in style were Air (nice domain name). Been a fan for a while although I've not listened to any of their recent stuff to be honest. I assume a lot of what they played was recent as I didnt recognise it and it was pretty good so I may have to investigate more fully....

Certainly got the crowd swaying to tracks like 'Sexy Boy' and I was surprised to find that the vocals on the songs were done by the electronic altering of the two French blokes voices rather than female singers. Might explain why they didn't perform (much to my dissapointment) my absolute favourite track 'All I Need' as I think it's a real woman singing on the CD.

All in all a good day and a good weekend.

The gods of music must have been smiling down on us because after a week of sunny weather one minute and torrential rain the next, it actually stayed gorgeous all day. Maybe a little too sunny as the patchy red sunburnt spots on my arms will testify too. Must remember that it is not just my face that can get sunburnt in future...

So getting there about an hour before everyone else I resisted the urge to start drinking beer straight away and instead had a look around some of the music tents. Although nothing official was due to start till gone midday, quite a few bands and singers were doing little impromtu gigs as a warm up. Was also nice soaking up some of the atmosphere.

The first proper act I went to see was Pig Iron Joe. I wasn't interested in the music at all but I knew the lead singer (knew as in had dealings with at work before - thought he was annoying) so was curious to see what they were like. I wasn't expected him to come on stage in a plastic suit (I have photos).

It was then back into the sun to feel a little latin rhythm courtesy of Los De Abajo who were fairly good - although why they all put luchador masks on at the end I still have no idea? In case you are wondering I didn't get up to sway my hips - nowhere near enough to drink for that display so early in the day.

Hours passed by after that with not too much of interest music wise. I made up for it by eating. I'd recommend the Japanese noodles and the organic ice cream (butterscotch is lurvely) but steer clear of the lamb burger bar. The bloke just slapped his sausage in my bun - no fried onions of anything - and I was so shocked I almost forgot to pay. I'm only telling you this as the same people go to all the festivals in the UK so you'll know what to avoid. Today I will be sampling the hot chocolate and banana crepe (and maybe more ice cream?).

So what other music did I see and would recommend? Well, Abi Moore was okay and I think I would like to see a little more of the Kings of Convenience as I only caught a little of their act and it seemed pretty chilled. Might download some later. Then there was Sia (who I kept thinking was called Seer) who you will probably recognise more for doing vocals with Zero 7. She seemed like the sort of person who really seemed to enjoy what she was doing and also seemed amazed that other people liked it too. I lost count of the number of times she said thank you to the audience. It was that (and the cute Australian accent) that won me over. Plus her drummer was a cross between Cousin It and Animal from the Muppets.

Highlight of the day - watch this tatooed and bearded biker type bloke swinging a glowing poi around like a big kid. Was sure he would clobber someone with it at any moment but I doubt they would have complained...

I'll leave you with a picture of Sia. It's blurry and I spent ages fiddling with my camera settings trying to get a clear shot but I think that without a stand that would have been impossible in those lighting conditions (I've since seen shots taken by a professional from more or less the same spot as me and those are blurry too). Outdoor pictures are easy with a digital camera but I'd not had much experience with indoor shots. Anyway, it looks kinda arty.

Yesterday was the first day of Summer Sundae (well, evening really) and apart from being a little wet it was pretty good. Most of the music and acts were a little bad - I'm not a big fan of country and western for instance - but it was a nice atmosphere. More people than last year I think which should mean a very busy day today.

I didn't stay until some of the better acts came on later in the evening due to a combination of having been in work early all week and the beer I had consumed.

I'll leave you with a picture of one of the acts. I vaguely know (met a couple of times) someone that is in the band being the main reason for the photos. They are called The Bathysphere Lo_Tempo Hi_Fi Arena.

The laces on my boots have a habit of wearing through so every once in a while I have to go and buy some new ones. With both laces worn through to the last few strands and all my spare laces used up I once more ventured into town (hoping not to get as wet as the other day) to find some more.

Almost as soon as I got into the city centre I passed a shoe repair shop so popped in

"Can I help" says the nice man behind the counter.
"I'm after some laces for my boots" says I "big strong laces"
"Whats size" says nice shoe repair man"

Hmmm, a question I should have been prepared for but wasn't. I decide to improvise.

"About this size" I say whilst trying to lift my foot up to the left of his 5 foot high counter and almost falling over in the process.

"I'll just come round and look...." says nice shoe repair man.

He has sold me a pair of laces that are about as thick as a peice of cotton tho. I'll give them 3 weeks....

Now listening to Damien Rice: Cannonball.

A-Team cleared of all charges!
(link via Brucey)

I'm telling you, it won't be long before you have to have an injection or sniff some funny gas when you get into work so that you work harder. My lazy days are numbered.....

The History of Boobs!
(link via Poons)

First up (and I have no idea why anyone would want one) is a waterproof blackjack table.

Now this one is for you Dave. I think you should get this computer case.

Never watched the West Wing? My advice is take a look. I was a doubter but have now been converted. All hail she of the strawberry cheesecake flavoured ice cream!

Poons has started a new blog here to play a version of a game called Morning Crescent online.

Maybe I'm just tired after having already been in work since 7am but I honestly have no idea how you are supposed to play. The more pages I read about the rules (radio show versions, taxi drivers playing it, etc) the less I understood what is going on. If anyone else with more intelligence wants to join in, then please visit his page.

(I left before the post arrived, so I'll let you know if the sponsorship money you sent me has arrived later Poons)

Saw this the other day - the Quantum Sleeper. Makes it sound like some sort of bed for sub-atomic particles but actually is for the insanely paranoid. Bulletproof, gas proof, earthquake proof, watertight. Can be fitted with DVD player, phone, microwave, fridge, (no toilet I'm afraid). All you will ever need to sleep safely.

The only problem I noticed - you have to plug the damn thing into the wall like any other electrical appliance! Not great when Mr Burgler unplugs it or the power is knocked out by the tornado. The backup battery will not last long when you are chilling your beer and cooking your microwaveable dinners in there I'm guessing....

Time to move on from yesterday. I doubt I'll ever get the answers to the questions I had but I do get to keep a lovely memory (actually two). I guess things aren't all bad.

Besides, I have to make the most of the next week or so as all you lovely people will be without me the week after next as it's time for BlogMonkeys bi-annual trip home to see the family! And of course Cornwall is a place where they are only just discovering steam power as they drive around in their trak'ers so no hope of any internet access the whole time. I'm going to be soooooo bored.

Onwards, upwards and away....

Now listening to Delerium: Innocente (the Tiesto remix actually but they are both good).

I believe I have mentioned before that I totally dislike being wet. All I did was pop into town for an application form to join the local library during my lunch break. There were a few spots of rain in the air but nothing too bad. It had been bright sun 30 mins before. I'm half way back and the heavens open. We are talking a torrential downpour. I was soaked in about 2 minutes.

I'm not sat shivering at my desk as my t-shirt clings to my body like a soggy clingy thing.

I hate being wet!

Sorry for the lack of updates - things on my mind. Well, only one thing really. I can honestly say that I'm no good at this sort of thing, I'm really not. I know what I should be doing so things should be simple - right? Yeah, like things are ever going to be that easy. Right and wrong, head and heart, strawberry cheesecake or choc chip ice cream? Too many decisions.

I know I'm making no sense but too many people that know me read this and I can't say much more.

This restaurant holds a Jackass style contest where the person doing the most stupid stunt wins a trip to Mexico. You won't believe what the winner did. A small extract to give you an idea....

At one point, he told police, his testicles had been stapled to his stomach.
"We didn’t confirm that," Lt. Dennis Santos said. "I didn’t want to pursue that part of it."

Follow the adventures of a small group intent on crossing America on a Segway at 10 mph. They have not started yet so you've not missed owt.

I remember reading about LifeGem a long time ago (may have even blogged it) so I'm quite surprised they have only just produced their first finished product. Although I guess they would have had to practice to prefect the technique? I wonder if they have loads of diamonds made out of dead sheep and cows lying around the place there? Anyway it still seems a little creepy and I'm sure you could find much better uses for that sort of money. A big party or new DVD player maybe?

Cool, the first National Convention of the Idle. Wish I'd known so that I could have made the effort to be too lazy to get a ticket.

Now I know after I've had a few drinks I might forget where I put my keys or phone when I wake up next morning. But losing a whole pub - thats just careless.....

Yep, that's the word they keep using on the weather forcasts and muggy certainly seems to sum things up nicely. The sort of warm, humid weather that leaves you hot, sticky and in need of a cold shower within a couple of minutes of being in bed. It's the reason I took ages to get to sleep last night, the reason I didn't sleep well and the reason I reckon I had such funny dreams about giant robots and rain that made you smell of wee.

Currently listening to 4-Strings: Let it Rain.

Things I've learnt this weekend. Don't leave your baseball cap in a bag with a pineapple for a couple of days - unless you want a hat that smells of pineapple anyway.

Yesterday I had some fun at basketball. Everybody else cancelled and the lazy side of my brain kicked in a was begging me to just stay home as I wouldn't need to shave or even bother moving from the sofa for that matter. And let me tell you, lazy side of my brain can be very good at convincing me when it needs to be! But I decided to go along and ended up spending over an hour with the whole sports hall to myself just practicing. One of the benefits of being the only one there is that I can try out all the moves that I never get the chance to try normally - not unless I want to look stupid chasing the ball along the floor or extracting it from between my legs. Actually thats probably given you totally the wrong mental image of what I get up to at basketball....

So as well as finding that some of those impressive looking and quite handy dribbly moves are not that hard to pick up when you've got some time to try (can't wait to show off next time), I realised afterwards that I'd been totally focused on what I was doing. It was just me, the ball and the basket. No thinking about what I was supposed to be doing at work this week. No running over problems in my head. No imaginary conversations with girls - not that I ever do that anyway of course.... *ahem*

Shame I don't get the chance to practice more often, the peace of mind was nice.

If you've broken up with someone recently or want to hear about other people that have broken up then you need to visit Breakup News.
(link via Scattershot)

Lots for you today you lucky people.

Something for the lady (or man I guess) that wants to know when they are near a wireless hotspot.

Who wants a trendy Aquariass which will be guaranteed to help you relax when you 'need to go'. Don't worry, the fishies aren't harmed.

A rather swish looking turntable for the vinyl music fans amongst you.

Finally I saved the best till last. Take a look at the Deskoid Robotic PC. Now I've read the page and I'm still not sure what the hell it is supposed to be for. It seems to be a pc on wheels that can follow you around the house so that you don't have to bother carrying a laptop or you can remotely send off to do stuff for you (like the shopping?). Oooookay.

I'll let these quotes speak for themselves.

"One can "drive" PC around no matter where you are. But... Did I just describe how mortal masses can obtain this power of omnipresence?"

"To be able to move a PC just like NASA move its Rover at the surface of Mars isn't that far-fetched. To say that such device "might be" useful is a total understatement."

"Such actual remote mingle machine is full capable of chatting with a roomful of live people in a meeting or at a party."

"I suggest that PC should be a mobile multi-device docking station for devices such as mobile phone, PDA, iPod mp3 players, wallet, Rolex watches, door and car keys, eye glasses, diamond rings, or any things that you don't leave home with out, and finally a smoke detector just in case of fire emergency so your PC can inform you locally by the onboard loud speaker or globally by sms, email or MSN instant messenger. God only knows how many life this PC of the next generation will save?"

"It turn any rooms of your house or office into a full featured videoconference room including the restroom."

Just the gift for someone that has everything, a suit that makes them feel old. To be honest I would have thought it would be far cheaper just to employ a few real old people to test stuff. You'd only have to pay them in digestive bisuits.

Maybe it was the four drinks I had in the pub last night? Maybe it was the large slice of chocolate cake that I kept trying to finish even tho I started to feel very sick? Maybe it was the fact that the milk I used in my cup of tea this morning made it taste of cheese?

Whatever it was, I don't feel so good.....

I intended to get back to some proper blogging today but then a young lady phoned who was suffering from problems with a stalker and she sounded so upset....

What can I say, I was always too much of a nice guy to ignore a young lady in distress. Maybe the advice I tracked down for her will help? Maybe just having someone to talk to helped?

Anyone in need of a new job. Pay is negotiable and a bladder on a stick can be provided if necessary but you do need your own outfit.

Would you believe that after about 5 years of hassling people to see if we can actually get proper desks for everyone in my section (instead of the naff tables we currently have to sit at which are far from adequate) we are suddenly told yesterday that we can have new desk and to suggest what we want BY TOMORROW! Two days! We wait years and years and then get two days to figure out the details. I can't see it happening - not if we want to get something decent.

Anyway I said earlier in the week that I was going to talk about the film I went to see last Friday. I'm sure most people have already seen Spider-Man 2 but if not then go! Best film I've seen this year by far.

Good effects, funny, decent story and I love the cameo spotting. Did you notice Stan Lee saving someone from falling debris (just like in the first film). And of course Bruce Campbell who has to make an appearance in every film that Sam Raimi produces (Sam' brother is in a lot of them too).

I had some minor gripes. I though Spider-Man could have done with a few more one-liners. I was a little sad that they seem to kill off the bad guy at the end of each film but I guess they have loads to choose from and there can't be that many films (plus Doc Ock never definitely died....). The biggest gripe has to be that once again he fails to keep his secret identity secret. Mary Jane, Harry, Doc Ock and an entire train load of people get to find out. He may as well just forget the costume.....

Good film tho! Bring on the Lizard in Spidey 3!

For all those lonely japanese women, a pillow boyfriend. There is a picture here.

No being woken up by gentle hugs and kisses like a real boyfriend tho - this thing just vibrates. Maybe thats better.....?

In the mood for love? Then what you need is (obviously) an aphrodisiac pizza. As my workmate Bruce quite rightly pointed out, if you are trying to impress a young lady and get her in the mood for a bit of bedroom action, inviting her for dinner and serving up a frozen pizza is probably not the best approach.....
(link via The Presurfer)

The people I really hate dealing with in this job are those that seem incapable of even the slightest bit of intelligence. Now I'm talking about Doctors and Professors here, not just a few half drunk students. Take today for instance.

Me (helpfull): "Just go to this webpage where there is a 'Web Suite' link"
User: "And then what?"
Me (less helpfull): "Click the link"
User: "What do I do then?"
Me (getting annoyed): "Enter the address of the page you want to change in the box marked 'Enter the address of the page you want to change here'"
User: "And after that?"
Me (banging head on table): "Press Enter!!"
User: "The button marked Enter or the Enter button on the keyboard?"
Me (contemplating how to remotely electrocute someone): "Its doesn't matter!!!!"
User: "Okay, I'll give that a try. What is your name in case I need to phone back?"
Me: "Errrrr, Bill. Ummm, Bill Smith....."

Remember Subservient Chicken? Well now we have Subservient President. Seems a little slow and..... well, frankly unresponsive at the moment.

I've come to realise recently how many people read (or at least know of) this blog. People at work including my bosses, distant family and friends, people from my past etc. In some ways that places large restrictions on what I can say.

If I was applying for new jobs I'd have to keep it quiet so as not to risk most of my workplace finding out. If I was to fall in love, there would be no posts about how good the world felt with her in my arms or how empty at the thought of her leaving.

Sometimes being anonymous would have its benefits....

Apparently Kit-Kat are changing their slogan as the old one had little affect on convincing people to buy a Kit-Kat. Do they really think the inspired "Make the most of your break" will make a difference? I'd feel the urge to finish that line with a cheesy wink and grin.

Well that's my shortlisting done. I was expecting it to be harder than it was to be honest. Last time there was a job advertised in my section I wasn't part of the shortlisting as I only just managed to go on the equal opportunites training course in time to get on the interview panel.

Anyway I went for a basic selection technique that involved reading the 'Why I think I should be given this job' page for each applicant and going on my gut feeling from that. Then I'd have a quick look at qualifications and work experience sections to decide if they went in the 'maybe' pile or were worthy of the offical shortlist pile. Crude I know but as most of the really bad applications had already been filtered off before they reached me (shame, I could have done with a laugh) there wasn't much to chose between those that were left.

Of the 15 applicants, only one was female. Only one woman applying for a techie job I hear you shout - surely not! She made it to my shortlist in case you were wondering and honest to god it had nothing to do with my overactive libido. Truth be told I'd almost feel guilty if the poor girl was picked and had to work with us three lads. Actually I feel guilty for all those shortlisted - it's almost a punishment having to do this dull job sometimes!

Did I post this a few weeks ago? Can't 'member.

It's as I always thought - peas are evil!!

Only took a few hours but thats my computer reinstalled. Well, mostly. Will be installing other bits and bobs as I find I need them over the next few weeks no doubt.

Shall try and get back to some proper blogging tomorrow although I'm suposed to be shortlisting applicants for a job in my section. Another minion to do my bidding!

I'll leave you with a picture. No, I have no idea either.....

After all the nice messages from people on Friday telling me they hoped my weekend got better, I was intending to post yesterday to say that it had. Unfortunately I found that I was infected! Yup, embarrassing as it is for a computer techie bloke to admit, my computer had a virus. It's my own fault really, I chose not to have a virus scanner running in the background (cos it slowed everything down last time I tried it) and I do download all sorts of rubbish once in a while from P2P networks.

Quite a nasty little bugger it was too - managed to infect what seemed to be all the .exe files on my computer. Took ages to clean the 800+ files. Even now it's clean, some stuff is not working quite right so once again it is time for a reinstall. Well, it's been about 8 months since the last one and I was surprised when watching the scan, at how much junk I'd accumulated anyway. Spring clean time!

As I was saying, things got better on Friday. I went to the cinema (more on that later) with someone that always knows how to make me smile. Saturday was basketball day and a little vigorous exercise can do wonders for your mental state - especially when you're on form like I was. Layups, long range shots, through the legs dribbling - I was goooooooood. *ahem* - it'll never last.....

On Sunday I went shopping for the first time in months. I intended to get a few more summer clothes but instead ended up with a baseball cap (I really don't think I look good in hats but I need one now I shave my head) and a sports t-shirt. I have no idea why I bought the t-shirt. I usually just wear a normal t-shirt for sport but something drew me to the proper sports ones as I walked past. So now I have a silver (as in the metal) lined, aerodynamic, hydrostatic, keeps you cool, computer controlled, next generation, all singing all dancing sports top that cost more than I wanted to spend and that I shall only wear once a week. Maybe it will encourage me to do more sport? I can but hope......