Hello dear monkey followers - this is a guest posting from blogmonkey's friends here in Louth. We've had a rather fine day with our man from Leicester, he's on good form. We've eaten, drunk, been merry and I wanted to record this for you all. Seeing said monkey has reminded us what good friends we have - forget the rat race folks, just follow your dreams and be good to the people you care about.

Guest monkey recommends you listen to Elliott Smith - he's just wonderful and we miss him lots.

I'm having the week off this week and will be traveling to Lough today to visit a good friend and his family. Will be back Wednesday.

Panasonic build a car that can transport a person over 1 Km on just 2 AA batteries - just about far enough to get you to the corner shop to buy the next packet.

So my hangover wasn't so bad this morning, the result of me planning ahead and leaving a large glass of water beside my bed and a packet of aspirin strategically placed on my bed - both very good preventative measures. Unfortunately after drinking the water and taking the aspirin, I then forgot to remove my contact lenses and went straight to sleep. No matter how drunk I've been in the past I've never done that before.

On waking, I noticed how strangely in focus everything was but at the same time how I appeared to be viewing the world through the bottom of a rather dirty pint glass. Even after taking my lenses out it took two hours of feeling like I had clingfilm stuck to my eyeballs before my sight started to clear. Not nice and something I hope not to repeat anytime soon.

The night was a good one tho. Five pubs/bars, lots of drinks, shooters and Jenga back at ours and me no doubt annoying the hell out of everyone with my digitickle camera. Fifty pictures in one evening is fairly impressive. Looking back over them when sober it is good to be able to create a timeline of peoples faces as they get progressively more drunk.

Don't ask me what I was doing in this picture. It probably explains why I'm still single however....

So it turns out it's not so bad being 30. I came down this morning to find a card from all my friends waiting for me by my computer. Along with the card was a 'seriously chocolatey' chocolate cake and apparently the promise of a PS2 when one becomes available (damn me for having a birthday so close to christmas). What can you say about friends like that eh?

Thanks as well to Angela, Mr Poons and Psychbloke for the birthday wishes too. Tis appreciated.

So as predicted the sulking about my past has been replaced with the feeling of being ready to celebrate big time. Tonight I'm going to party like it's on sale for £19.99 (I love that Simpsons quote)!!

Currenty listening to Barenaked Ladies: Alcohol

So I reach the last few hours of being twenty nine, counting down slowly with glass of wine in hand. Strange isn't it, whenever you reach a landmark like this you never sit back and think of all the good times you had, you usually just remember the bad ones, the things you regret or wish you could change. I suppose like most people I have a lot of those.

I was hoping to keep my birthday quiet but that proved a vain hope. I didn't really want to make a big deal of tomorrow - just have a quiet night like I did last year - but I wasn't given much choice in the matter. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate all my friends wanting to do something special for me and I know that come tomorrow night I'll have a great time. Right now tho I don't feel much like partying.

Still, maybe it's a good thing? All the thinking and pondering has led me to come to some decisions. More on those later.....

See you all when I'm thirty.

Glad to see scientist are still working hard to push the frontiers of science.

Wednesday was our sections Christmas lunch. We decided we didn't want to go with everyone else - too many sections all merged together to go for the traditional curry they always seem to pick. We wanted to do something a little more fun. We wanted more beer. We wanted some pool playing to be involved!

Our request was agreed to, the bossman telling us we could go but foolishly not telling us how long for. A beginners mistake that. We arrived back just over two hours later, ready to claim ignorance should we be questioned. No one questioned us but those with nothing better to do spent a good hour moaning about how 'they' never got two hours for xmas lunch.

Oddly enough after a couple of pints I didn't get much work done that afternoon. I'd wander over to another computer only to forget why I'd gone there in the first place. At least I refrained from answering too many emails - far too dangerous.

"No I will not tell the software company that the licence code they have given us is too long. It's only 42 digits, stop being so bloody lazy!!"

A former Royal Navy diver warns of the dangers from munitions dumped at see around the UK coast. He might be understating a wee bit when he says "It's likely to go pop at some stage" when referring to the wreck of the Richard Montgomery in the Thames estuary which some people think might go off with slightly more than a pop....

The middle aged woman with the clipboard stopped me as I headed towards the shop for my mid-morning packet of biscuits and asked if I had time to answer a few questions. I suspected I wasn't the sort of person she was after but agreed anyway.

"Can I just ask your age?" she said.

"I'm 30" I replied without even thinking - the words rolling out of my mouth far too easily for my liking. Seems I've subconciously already discounted my last few days of being twenty nine.......

Is this the future?
(link via Bloggerheads)

Not that I'm encouraging or discouraging this sort of thing but because of my general dislike of politicians I would find it amusing.

Now this is a comic and a half! Marvel at the adventures of Super Green Beret!
(link via Screenhead)

I've liked Sarah McLachlan since she sang vocals on that classic dance track Delerium: Silence, and I do own one of her albums. However she gains new respect from me today with this video for her song World on Fire where all the money that would normally be spent on a music video is donated to worthwile causes.

Makes you think how better money could be spent.

(thanks to the Blog of the International Superfriends for this)

Over the last week I've seen a lot of news items, articles and posters encouraging us to back Londons bid for hosting the 2012 Olympic games. I'd not actually really given it much thought until I was down in London and chatting about it.

The question was raised and I had to wonder, is it really worth backing? Are there not better things that could be done with that money? Could a giant urban park not be created without having to spend money on a huge stadium right in the middle of it? Could some of the money not be used to help the thousands of homeless people in London? Rather than making this a 'green games', why could more effort not be made into making London a greener city?

Why can projects this size never just be motivated by the desire to make things better?

Need a present for the computer geek in your life this Christmas? Then what about a USB Mince Pie

Damn - missed World Hello Day. Maybe a slightly spiffier web page would have helped promote the event....

(links via The Presurfer)

No more cough sweets for me next time I have a cold, I'm just buying a honking great bar of Dairy Milk.

The thing you find about having a plan is that it usually goes very wrong! The first problem on Friday was that I grossly overestimated the amount of time that I would be capable of shopping on my own in London. After about an hour I was already bored stupid, so ended up at my friends workplace around two hours before I was actually due to meet her. A few drinks in a local pub called the 'Butchers Cleaver and Lamb Chop' (or something like that) help me pass that time.



So it gets to 5pm and I'm stood in the cold waiting for her to turn up, thinking that at least it's not snowing like the previous evening. Twenty five minutes later - and with no reply to my two text messages - and I'm starting to get a little worried. I'm also starting to lose feeling in various parts of my body. I'm relieved when I see her a couple of minutes later. It was short lived.

Seems that some low life, scum eating (hope their testicles meet an unfortunate accident with a trouser press) tosser has stolen her bag from her desk draw at work. This is the sort of bottom feeder that has apparently been targeting a lot of the hospital recently - including the cancer ward. And not exactly the intelligent type either as they apparently thought they could beat the several million to one odds and correctly guess her PIN in two attempts at a cash machine?

So she has no money, no bank cards, no phone (hence no replies to my messages), has lost some sentimental things and most importantly at that point has no flat keys! Luckily her friends have a spare set. Unfortunately they have gone away for the weekend. They have however arranged for her to get their spare set so we can go to their flat and collect her keys. I'm relieved that I've been saved from a night on the streets!

It doesn't get better from that point tho. Oh no, the universe appears to have it in for us. Losing feeling in my legs from the cold as we wait forty five minutes for a bus that should go by every ten but unable to jump around to warm up as the pint I'd had earlier is starting to need a release. Then being crammed onto the bus when it finally arrived like one too many mints in a box of After Eights.

We eventually got into her flat several hours later and proceeded to try and erase the evenings memories by drinking large amounts of wine! And it worked as I did get pretty smashed - but don't even ask me about the belly dancing cos I'm not telling you!



The rest of the weekend was nice and relaxed by contrast and I'm so glad I went. Was just what I needed and there really is nothing like spending time with such a wonderful friend. And I even managed another first for this year by going to see a one man show called Fully Committed - would recommend seeing it and I feel so cultured!

I've just heard (a portion of) the new Band Aid 20 song. It's awfull! Why the hell can't they just get people to donate directly rather than buy that peice of rubbish?

Possibly a little on the blasphemous side - but funny. Timmy's Wish.

"Who are we going to kill next Jesus?"

On a lighter note, a nice animation about noisy neighbours. Well, kinda not quite so full of death anyway....

Politicians are mangling English with a "deadly virus of management speak". And there was me thinking the usual term for it was "a load of bollocks".....

Sign up, log on and shoot stuff online. No, it's not some new MMORPG. Real gun, real live animals as targets (or at least thats the plan).

For the second week in a row my weekend will start early today. Thats one of the great things about not using your holiday early in the year 'just in case you need it later on' - you end up having loads of time off in the last couple of months. And this week I am actualy putting my long weekend to good use.

Come tomorrow morning I'm jumping on a train (which will probably be late) and heading down to London to spend the weekend with my best friend in lovely Bermondsey. It's been such a long time since I've last seen her and a lot has happened in that time.

And we have a plan. Friday night involves some takeaway food, large quantities of wine, a pack of cards, music and catching up. We shall drink til we can no longer stand and then hurl abuse at the universe for it's treatment of two such wonderfull people as ourselves. There might be some dancing but don't hold me to that.

Saturday evening (we will have spent the day recovering) shall be the cultured part of the trip as I get dressed up in my bestest suit and we head off to see a show. I don't know which one, she's surprising me. And I don't really need to wear a suit but I never get much chance normally and I think I look damn fine in a suit so why not!

Roll on the weekend!

There was a story the other week about someone that won almost £1 million on the horses only for it to be taken away on a judges decision. His luck was in tho as someone who made a similar bet and did win slightly more felt sorry for the old guy and promised him a share of the winnings.

A happy ending, right? Sadly not.....

So who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? I know there are differences and I honestly can't understand how anyone could kidnap and kill someone who was merely trying to give aid to people that needed. But killing an unarmed combatant - are you not heading down the same road then?

Should you need to be reminded of the consequences to people on both side, this might help. A lot of the images on that site are very graphic so please do not follow this link if you think you might be offended. You have been warned.

Remember Subservient Chicken? Well if you liked that, why not go try out the Virtual Bartender.

Its only a matter of time.

The The lost city of Atlantis discovered - again.

Blimey - today seems to have flown by faster than a man chased by a pack or ravenous zombie squirrels and yet I feel I have achieved so little!? Kinda like my life as I head towards my 30th birthday.....

Anyway, I'm sure a few beers in the pub in a bit will make everything better.

One thing that I have achieved in the last few days is that I FINALLY managed to finish reading War and Peace. Only took me a year too. Or was it two years - I forget?

I actually read the story in three months, which is a long time for me as I finish most books in about a day (the art of skimming). The teeny-tiny text and confusingly similar russian names limited how much I could read in any one sitting however. Then it got to the last 40 or so pages where Tolstoy was talking about free will and how people shape history and I just bogged down entirely. I'll be honest and admit that I had no idea what he was going on about for most of that but then you are talking to a man who's intellectual viewing usually consists of watching Pinky and the Brain repeats.

It can't be true. There is a serious lard shortage on the way. Right - I'm heading straight to the supermarket after work to panic buy 200lbs of the stuff!

Scientists create a brain in a dish to fly a flight simulator. Won't be long before my robot vacuum cleaner will be thinking for itself....

Seems to be under a very heavy load at the moment so can't really test it but this (familiar looking) search engine called Speegle appears to read out the first part of each webpage it returns as its search results. Useful if you can't be arse to read them or just read very slowly.

Now this I quite like. 10x10 is a tool that scans various news feeds every hour and works out what the most important news of that hour is by finding which word is mentioned most. Might be adding that to my links list....?

Will the next four years see Bush become greener? You can only hope.

Some countries will probably only see things getting worse.

Beware the two headed tortoise! If it was just 100 times bigger it would be perfect for a Godzilla movie...

Another day, another virus. I do like this one tho as there is a good chance that anyone infected clicked on the link for free nude webcam pictures. It's usually easy to tell which people did as they are the ones that claim they have "...no idea how their machine became infected!" Had one at work already and I did my best not to chortle down the phone at him.

I had a day off work today and decided - at the prompting of a friend - to try and do something more than the usual sitting around on my arse. So after a nice lie in, a long soak in the bath playing with the bubbles whilst listening to music and a spot of lunch, I headed off to a place called Shady Vale Arboretum.

Now it's not exactly close by for me - about an hours walk or a round trip of 9285 steps according to my free pedometer - but it's a fairly peacefull place which is why I like going.

Many years ago I lived closer. It was a period just after I finished university. I had no job and with a degree in physics not much of an idea what the hell kind of job I wanted anyway. Consequently I ended up living in a cheap little ground floor flat on my own for a year whilst I tried to gain some direction in my life. Thinking back I'm not sure how I made it through that period but I do remember feeling very low at times.

It was those times that I went to Shady Vale. I'd find a little spot on the grass and lie staring at the sky, contemplating life, love and how much food I could buy with the limited amount of money I had that week.

A lot has changed since then - not least the fact that I'm bloody knackered after walking all the way there - but it is still a nice place to contemplate all the things going on in my life.....

Conratulations to BB who has sold her book to a publisher! Wonder if she will send signed copies out to her loyal readers?

Hope you are watching Andre - it can be done.

To say that I am feeling unmotivated today would be a slight understatement. I've managed to do virtually no work this morning, which considering how much (or should that be little) work I usually do on an average day is pretty impressive! Maybe it's because I have tomorrow off and so I already have that Friday feeling?

Also feeling a little tired after going out to the pub last night, although to be honest it felt more like I was out clubbing. The normally quiet local drinking spot - the Old Horse - appeared to be trying to attract the mid-week pre clubbing crowd by having a Faithless obsessed DJ churning out loud dance tunes! Now I like dance music (although I prefer Trance) but it's not really what you want to listen to when trying to have a quiet pint. And I swear that he played a 30 minute long mix of Insomnia - every time I thought he'd moved on he would fade it back into the next track!

On the plus side for today, I did get my free Walkers pedometer. On the other hand it apears to be pretty rubbish. Maybe you actually have to walk like the people in the advert and have Madness playing in the background for it to correctly count your steps? Maybe it will work better when I go jogging?

Update:. I opened it up, poked it with a screwdriver, shook it, took the battery out, prodded it some more and now it works like a dream.

Everything you ever wanted to know about William Shatner - Full of Shat. Interestingly I just found that typing the name of a page directly into the Firefox (have you upgraded to the offical v1.0 release yet) address bar takes you there. Must do a Google search and take you to the top result? Nice feature.

Screaming Midget. An amusing site, tho not sure how often they post....?

A nice little animation called More. Wasn't too sure what was going on until I read the intro - then it all made sense......

Star Wars - Episode 3 Trailer in Lego.

How could I resist linking to an animation entitled The Man With The Smallest Penis in Existence and the Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him!?

So I finally got around to looking through some of the old sites I used to trawl for junk to blog. Just never seems like enough hours in the day...

Now who exactly would want to be seen swigging out of one of these as they walk down the street?

And now a link on behalf of the Scrotal Safety Commission. Worth knowing.....

Sorry Everybody
(link via Poons)

Sort of similar - Made You Think.

The Inbredibles - made me chortle!
(link via Bloggerheads)

Perfect for getting you home quickly after a night out on the booze - air taxi's!

Perfect for protecting you from attackers or just great fun at parties, the Anti-Molestation Jacket. Probably get the biggest shock from that awfull pattern tho....

For the person that has one of those gold mp3 players that I linked to the opther week, what about a gold and diamond encrusted digital camera to go with it?

I never particulary celebrate it. I think it has something to do with all the firework displays I was taken to as a kid. The fireworks had a lot of bang but they always set the damn things off one at a time. Standing and watching a sparkly rocket that's exactly the same as 5 others you have already seen over the last hour, as your extremities slowly freeze and start to lose all feeling, just dulls the enjoyment somewhat.

So when my housemate invited a few people around for dinner yesterday and one couple brought a box of fireworks, I wasn't that optimistic about being impressed. With good reason it turned out. As I watched the pathetic two foot high firework 'fountain' fizzle sadly for 25 seconds or another one fail to do anything at all as nothing more than the box caught alight, I found myself wondering if this was how far firework technology had progressed in the 800 years since the Chinese started using them?

Of course, the Chinese never had sparklers to play with.....

I read about the killing of the last female brown bear in France - condeming the species to extinction - and I was just reminded of an episode of South Park.

"Look out - it's coming right for us!!"

Added as of this morning - Pots and Kettles. And it's not a blog about stuff you find in the kitchen....

Just wanted to wish my friend Cat in Tennessee all the best. Hope you feel better soon!

A woman has won £12,500 after betting that her mother-in-law would live to be 100.

I was actually having a conversation the other night about something similar. I want to get a load of my friends together and for all of us to come up with some outrageous bets. Then we'll all head down the bookies and see what odds they will give us. I'm tempted to go with Michelle being President by 2020. I reckon its better than putting a couple of quid on the lottery each week!

On a lighter - but more painfull - note, I have a new respect for women today. Not only for the lengths they will go to in order to look and feel nice for us men, but also the skill required to reach that goal.

Yes, last night I finally achieved another New Years resolution and waxed my chest! It's definitely not as easy as it looks and I think 'stings a little' would be understating the feeling for the few seconds after the strip (a layer of skin and one nipple) has been ripped off.

Although I didn't reach the 'baby smooth' stage I had hoped for (due to running out of waxing strips, it taking an hour and a half anyway and the agonising pain I was in), a quick run over with my razor to remove the odd straggly patches and it's virtually perfect. If it wasn't for the tenderness of my skin and nasty rash now covering most of my chest, I'd be tempted to rewax in a few days time to finish the job properly. We'll see....

And no, I'm not posting pictures. Any ladies want to come for a feel tho, thats a different matter.

So the American election has been and gone. Now I'm not going to share my view of the outcome with you as (previously mentioned) I have no real interest in politics so what the hell would I know? Just cos I may not like a lot of the things Bush has done or the opinions he has, doesn't mean I have any idea if he is a better or worse person for the job than Kerry - who I know nothing about.

No. All I wanted to do today was post links to a few of the blogs I read and I wanted to wait a day to give everyone a chance to speak (not just the europeans who are online the same time as me). If it appears I'm giving a one sided view, that is not intentional. I've just come to realise that the view seems to be shared amongst most of the blogs I read.

Sandra
Angela
Libbo
Wil Wheaton
MJ
And finally Manic sums his feelings up with a picture.

As the interweb is mostly full of election stuff today - what about a cute, fuffy (and incredibly annoying) animation with song to cheer you up. (Click the Egg Song link in the top right - needs IE to work properly. Link via Bloggerheads).

Or what about this animation called After You.
(link via The Presurfer)

Fire breaks out at bacon factory. Get me a loaf of bread, I'm off to Suffolk! Mmmmmmm, bacon sandwiches.......

Some of the consequences of global warming for the Artic region and for the UK.

Maybe I'd do a little more cleaning around the house if I owned an Airider vacuum cleaner!

For those that want a little more 'bling' for their music listening needs, what about a solid gold flash player?

I had an email from my friend Ian on Friday inviting me (and a few other people) out to a vegetarian meal being organised by someone he knew - one of those 'bring your friends' things. I thought this was strange however as none of us are actually vegetarian (including Ian), so why was he keen to go?

You know how sometimes you can form an instant opinion or thought about something that has no basis whatsoever but from that point on becomes solidly embedded in your mind? Well, thats what happened here. I looked at the email he had forwarded onto us and noticed that many of the people it had been sent to originally were women....

With a loud clunk the penny dropped and in my minds eye appeared this image of a group of attractive, young, scantliy clad, single vegetarian women trying to encourage a few more people along to one of their small social events. I signed up then and there.

I got home from work early yesterday and spent an hour showering, shaving and generally sprucing myself up for the big night. I met with Ian and Mr K in the pub and the three of us headed to the restaurant - agreeing on the way that as Ian was the one orginally invited he should get first pick of the women. We were directed upstairs by the waiter and I put on my best smile as I entered the room....

Lets just say the image in my minds eye didn't exactly match the sight upon entering the room. Only 50% of the people were women and at least two had grey hair!

It also soon became apparent from the conversations I overheard that these were not your casual veggies out on a nice night out. Oh no, these were mostly the hardcore, restaurant owning, leaflet handing out, veggie cheese producing crowd who spent most of the time talking about vegetarian issues.

I started to shift nervously in my seat as I began to feel like a soldier deep behind enemy lines, expecting to be discovered for the meat eating barbarian I was at any minute. I tried to calculate if I could make it to the door before someone brought me down with a well aimed lump of tofu but I didn't rate my chances. All we had to do was stay quiet and we'd be okay....

Ian's next conversation with Mr K was about what sort of fish he'd tried cooking recently (in Gods name why?) whilst the woman wearing an "If it has a face don't eat it" t-shirt sat not 5 feet away. I'm a dead man!

We made it out alive in the end but I think I might give their Christmas social a miss.

Man loses a £1,000,000 bet on a judges decision. Now how gutted would you feel if that was you?

The plan to deal with an estimated 250,000 rats in a Mexican village by sending in 50 cats has - oddly enough - failed. If I was one of those cats I'd be a little worried at the odds.....

After a heavy weekend the last thing you need is an early start at work on Monday morning. So of course I had to start at 7am today. God I'm tired an unmotivated.

The main reason for my tiredness is the Halloween party I went to on Saturday night. I intended to dress up but after shopping with my mum last week I'd almost lost the will to live let alone shop for a costume. So instead I used the money I saved to purchase a bottle of cheap vodka and two packets of jelly to make (can you see where this is going yet) vodka jelly!

It was pretty strong stuff and I feel it definitely contributed to the very drunken state I ended up in. Can't actually remember the last time I got to the state of being unable to stand up straight and I'm hoping no one remembers what I did with the chocolate ice cream.....