Check out this new high-tech door which is supposed to be better than the ones on Star Trek. Still needs a little work if the video is anything to go by.

Big question tho, does it go "fssssssshhhhhht"?

I do like this video for the new upcoming single by The Bloodhound Gang (how can't you love a band who calls their album 'Hooray For Boobies'?).

Not only is it full of lots of childish euphemisms for 'doing it' like "retrofit the pudding hatch with the boink locker" but it also features a car shaped like a giant banana. A giant banana! Going in a tunnel of course.

Now this song will really get in your head.... Sing along now

"Mosquito, parasito..."

A little afternoon entertainment for you - Mr Figgles.

I saw a program a couple of nights back on the normally upstanding BBC, called 'Bring Your Husband to Heel'. The premise of this show is that wives learn how to deal with their problem husbands by using the techniques of a dog trainer. I found it both amusing, unbelievable but also thought it could offend people.

Apparently I was right.

I think it was the litteral approach the woman in this episode took to training her husband (who would spend his entire time at home sat in front of his computer, ignoring the rest of his family). "Everytime he does something right, give him a little treat" the trainer says, demonstrating by feeding her dogs some little tidbits.

"Fine", I think, "she'll offer him sex or something?". Cant really get better incentive than that to leave your computer. Oh no, everytime he behaves, she actually hand feeds him a grape or a prawn and the poor sod falls for it totally!

What next, getting him to sit up and beg? Or maybe onto teh next level, getting him to do teh dishes when he hears a metronome.

A much better review of the program here.

Now I have seen things like this before (like the man selling water from loch ness for instance) but it never ceases to amaze me what people will pay for. In this case, bottles of Welsh air. And for £24 quid a bottle too!

So what do you do with it? Leave it on the side, in which case all you have is a decorative empty bottle? Or open it up and take a whiff, giving you 3 seconds of being in the Welsh hills?

So last week I forgot my mums birthday. As mentioned I got away with it tho.

Same can not be said of my little bro.

After calling her to wish her many happy returns on the day, she mentioned he'd not been round. I jokingly texted him saying "She thinks you've forgotten her birthday". I didn't think he had. He's married see. He has a woman in his life that will remind him of important things like that.

Turns out he had. Flowers were taken round late at night - prompted by my text - but having spoken to my mum since, she wasn't fooled.

Maybe not such a bad son after all. Or at least not the only one.

See Kel - told ya. The power of my blog.

If it wasn't for that Guardian page...

So it was a long Bank Holiday weekend and I 'could' tell you about the fun things I got up to over it. However, as that mostly consisted of hiding away in my bedroom playing computer games, surfing the internet and drinking cheap wine, beer and spirits I'm not going to.

Or maybe I just don't want to admit to having wasted three days of my life?

Speaking of wasting my life, this Thursday is the anniversary of me being in this job for 8 years! Eight. Long. Years. To help me celebrate (or is that commiserate) I shall shortly be emailing my work colleagues to invite them out for a drink that night, when - feeling my pain - they shall buy me many aforementioned drinks and I can spend Friday at work feeling like death warmed over. Hell, I have so much holiday left this year I may live a little and book the day off.

Sounds like a plan.

And speaking of work, my boss came to see me (about 5 minutes before I was due to leave) last week to inform me about a new post that will shortly be advertised for. I assume he did this thinking that I may want to apply for it myself.

Maybe the fact that I didn't apply for the last one would have been a hint I wasn't interested?

Don't get me wrong, it's tempting. More money for a start (and who can say they wouldn't mind earning a little more money?). And of course it would feel like I was actually making 'some' career progress after languishing in this job for what seems like an eternity.

But then again I fell into computing by accident - it was never what I wanted to do and certainly I have no intention of doing this sort of thing forever (tho I have no idea what the hell I do want to do). This job may be tedious and dull with no sense of job satisfaction but it pays the bills and there is no stress or hassle associated with it. It's an easy life.

Do I really want to start a new job where I have to do more work that I'm not interested in for the sake of a few extra quid and making myself feel like I'd achieved something for a month or so?

I think not.

If only you could order some of this stuff now - fraternal supply catalog.

Pretty nifty felt clock. Could do with one for my cubicle at work actually....

Friday afternoon. That time when I try and find something - anything - to do to while away the last few hours of the working day before I can start the weekend proper. And a long weekend at that too. Damn bank holidays sneaking up on me when I'm not ready for them. I forsee a weekend of playing far too much CoH ahead.....

It's not like I don't actually have things I 'could' be doing to pass the time this afternoon. No, not work. Don't be silly. I 'could' head over and sponsor some friends of mine that plan to cycle the length of the country on a tandem bicycle. Been putting that off for a week or two now. Considering they plan to start in for days, I should do that soon really...

I 'could' take a look at the wedding gift lists for two friends of mine that are getting married in the next month or so. Been putting that off for a few weeks too. I'm not worried tho, there were still some gifts left the last time I checked (although I'm not sure I really want to give anyone - let alone the new happy couple - a hand towel or some salad tongs).

I 'should' be writting a letter to someone. A letter I really don't want to have to write. A letter I've already written a dozen times and thrown away and planned in my head even more than that. Thats just me being a coward though.

Or I could sit and hope that the next few hours magically vanish.

Yes, that last one sounds good. Because as they say, why do today what can be put off until tomorrow...

A couple remortgage their house, sell their wedding rings and use some inheritance to raise a £40,000 reward for their missing dog.

Ooooookay.

It's the quote from the husband at the end that I like.

"In the long term it's going to be a small price to pay.

My life has been turned upside down since the dog went missing. Diane has been going wild.

We're exhausted. I just want to get my life back to the way it was rather than spending 24 hours a day, seven days a week looking for Natasha."

Translation

"The missus has been doing my bloody head in since that fecking dog went missing! Damn thing will probably die of old age anyway in 6 months I bet. I might end up totally broke for the rest of my life and the kids won't get any money when we die but at least I'll get some sodding peace and quiet again."

Why bother with an answerphone - just get a squirrel.

Plans are afoot to re-introduce things like lions and elephants and badgers into North America. Ok, maybe not badgers. But the rest. Possibly some squirrels...

Apparently breweries in Cameroon are in the mniddle of a 'promotion frenzy', giving away tons of prizes.

"Sometimes you go out just for a bottle and you find yourself coming back with four or six free bottles because of winning caps."

Sounds good to me

See the Earth past, present and future.

The Turkmen president bans the playing of recorded music at public events. He's also banned the opera and ballet, beards for young men, car stereos and closed most hospitals.

Oh yes, no sandwiches missing from his picnic basket....

Least it could have been worse.

I phoned my mum last night to wish her a happy birthday. She was overjoyed with the flowers. She even got a little teary.

I'm number one son as long as she never reads my blog and remains in ignorant bliss...

So it's Monday night and that means my weekly phonecall to my mum. I've forgotten for the last three weeks and she's had to phone me. It's not that I don't like talking to her, it's that my weeks are mostly pretty dull affairs - odd trip to the pub, boring stuff at work etc.. - and I simply don't have much to say. Our average conversation now lasts about 7 minutes - she does most of the talking.

She tells me how my nephews little son is doing, talks about the family member that admitted to being an alcoholic a few weeks back and moans about not seeing my little brother for weeks. I'm enjoying another swig of my nice cool beer and only half listening when she moves onto my trip home last year.

"This time last August you were visiting weren't you."

"Yeah, that's right" I reply absently.

"We all went out to that Italian place and got very drunk - remember?"

Hehe, it was a good night. Loads of the family were there and yes, we did all get very drunk.

Little alarm bells start ringing!

Loads of the family were out that night. My brother and his wife. My sister and her family. My older brother. But that never happens unless it's a special occasion...?

Oh. Dear. God!

My heart jumps as I try and remember the date. Please don't let it be today. Please don't let me have been on teh phone to her for five minutes and not mention it.

I check my computer clock and I'm saved. It's the 22nd. Her birthday is tomorrow.

I'm a bad son.

Still, at least I remembered in time to phone up and get some flowers delivered...

Underwear thief beaten up by couple after breaking into their house for the fifth consecutive night.

Um, d'uh!

I posted a link to this song back in April.

Now it's time for the remix.

Ever wondered how much of your fave caffeinated drink it would take to kill you? Wonder no longer my interwebnet chums....

Remember this from last week.

Well Macgyver 2008 might be a better option. I remember that guy making an hand grenade out of a pinecone and blowing up a jeep one time. Imagine what he could do if he ran America. Well, he'd save money on hand grenades anyway.....

Hehe - yes it's silly and over violent but it's funny.

This CGI short is also very good. The large version would only half load for me tho so you may have to view the half size version.

Lo and behold the lightbulb that texts you when it fails. Thank god for technology. Of course, you won't be able to see what the text says as you'll be in the dark cos the lightbulb has gone....

Oh, and check out the giant fire breating robot.

So after my little extended absence from the world of blogging - for which I have no excuse other than being terminally lazy (although I did actually have a little more work to do at the end of last week) - I am back with a vengance. Well, I'm back at least.

It's also that time again. A strange compulsion comes over me every 2-3 years which I just can't help acting on. No, not that - thats every 2-3 minutes. No, this is the urge to build a new computer.

Do I really need one? Nope, course not. Mine maybe be getting a little old in the tooth and may well struggle when this game comes out later this year (a gig of RAM, I ask ya..) but a simple upgrade could fix that.

Am I going to build a new computer? More than likely. Why? Cos it will be all shiny and new and stuff. Shiny and new is good. That will mean I will then have three computers as everytime I build a new one I don't seem to be able to get rid of the old one. Maybe if I link them all together and install some AI they can run the house and be my friend....?

If you're really interested I may well go for one based on this chip so I can build a small, ultra quiet, energy efficiant computer. No, I didn't think you would be. I'll get my coat....

Check out Elvis the robot cat. Bless....

How can I not link to something with such a great name as bottom reformulator cushion?? It would just be wrong not to. Fave quote.

"A wonderfully-shaped bottom will do wonders for your world!"

Is this for real?

Walken 2008.

(link via Bloggerheads)

Quite like this short animation of go-kart racing monks which I think has something to do with them raching on a higher plane of existence? Cool racing music too...

I would have posted this yesterday but my damn computer still crashes about 80% of the time I try to play any sort of multimedia file so didn't get to watch it until last night at home. Who is hard gay? A rather large, leather short wearing bloke that runs around Tokyo helping out people in need whilst thrusting his pelvis and shouting "Wooooooooo!!!" a little too much if you really want to know.

To keep you entertained for a minute or three.

This one via Bonus - Juggler

And this one is a little tricky - Spaceworms.

Some weird arse stuff here with a look at possible post-apocalyptic survival gear. Check out the 'works' page for most of the creations.

My absolute personal favourite is this survival racing car designed for the more aged person in the burnt out world of tomorrow. Based on a wheelchair and comes with a footwarmer, walking stick and hip flask. Just needs a death ray on teh top and no one is going to get in front of this pensioner at the post office on pension day!

It's always nice when out of the blue you get a comment or email from someone telling you how much they like your blog. I've had a few in the past. Not many mind you.

Not that I really expect that many. I don't post links to as many weird sites as The Presurfer. I can't write posts anywhere near as witty or well written as Waiter Rant, Bunni or Andre (and I'm really sorry that I've not been to visit your blog recently mate but for reasons which are too complicated to go into here, I promised never to visit again. Didn't want to remove the link to such an excellent site tho).

So it was very nice to find an email from Jenn waiting for me when I woke up this morning. She's just taking her first few tentative steps into the world of blogging, so go pay her a visit.

And I wouldn't go back to my first posts either Jenn, I used to talk about some really dull things back when I started.

All I can say is WOW! How many hot dogs?!

Even my workmate Bonus would struggle to eat that many...

I've had Culture Club's Karma Chameleon in my head all day so far (not to be confused with the cocktail of the same name).

"Why?" I hear you all ask.

Because being very little to watch at 6am in the morning whilst having your breakfast, I was flicking through the channels when I cam across the A-Team. More specifically an episode called 'Cowboy George' featuring (you guessed it) Boy George.

Wish I could have watched the whole episode. Boy (or should you call him Mr George) looks totally bemused for most of it. Actually he looks totally off his face. He kicks a door down at one point! And watching the team swaying along to the song at teh end is classic - BA is such a great mover!

Stats for the BlogMonkey and K beer party.

15 people attending
32 different types of beer
21 types opened and sampled (tho not every one by me)
1 BBQ in the rain, cooking
10 sausages and
4 bits of chicken
2 very drunk people
1 reasonable hangover for me today

As such its been a quiet day for me. Eating leftover crisps and pizza and trying to tidy up a bit.

Good party tho.

Kept me entertained for 10 minutes - Lust for Bust...

It's much easier in real life. So someone told me.... *cough*

One of the things I sometimes dislike about this job is the totally arrogant attitude of certain people that work at the university. The ones that feel that they are better than everyone else because that are a Doctor or Professor. The "Don't you know who I am?!" brigade.

I had one today. Not really what I want for a relaxing Friday. They wind me up.

I think the thing that really annoyed me was the attitude towards students. How they could see how students might not be given the sort of privledge they were after but as a senior member of staff surely that was different and they deserved such preferential treatment?

Would these be the students that the university is here to teach? The ones that keep you in a job? The ones that pay extortionate fees and leave owing thousands - if not tens of thousands - of pounds just so they could study here?

If anyone should get preferential treatment, it's them.

I need a beer.

I so can't wait for the party this Saturday. I've been buying a few cheap beers from teh supermarket but my next stop is this place. I didn't realise they had their selection of beers online until earlier. I'l be whipping up my shopping list later I think....

So after enjoying my recent revamping of Bunni's blog - and also having very little to do this afternoon other than the offer to partake of free birthday cake in about an hour - I'm thinking its really is about time for some changes at blogmonkey.co.uk....

The question is what changes to make?

A little more colour I think is a given. I would have done it originally but I'm not really known for my colour coordination skills. You should have seen some of the horrendous designs I came up with a couple of years back when I was first trying to get this place together.

Maybe a new logo?

Harder that one as I can't really draw. I can take other peoples stuff and change it a little. Trace over it in Flash and colour it in. Thats about the limits of my talents tho.

Updates?

Well, the About Me page has been out of date for a while now. Several of the links on my blogroll are outdated or defunct.

Some new content?

This is the one that is really getting me thinking. I have a Gb of webspace and I'm currently using about 3% of that. Out of the 5Gb of bandwidth a month I have, I'm using around 300Mb. So plenty of room to grow. But what to put here?

One option I'm toying with is a photo page - a new picture each week? Part of the blog but seperate at the same time. But what else?

Any suggestions?

Sorry for being so quiet this week. Maybe it's blog depression
(link via Bonus)

If - like me - you are having one of those weeks where you think too much about things instead of just enjoying them, then maybe you can find some pearls of wisdom in the Dead Letter Office.

I really like this - The Little Girl that was Forgotten by Absolutely Everyone...

So I got thirsty last night and drank one of the beers I bought for the party. I felt it important to test the quality you see.... *ahem*

Blimey, where did the weekend go? One minutes it's 5pm Friday, next I'm back at work.

Anyway, I did have a nice weekend doing stuff which maybe I'll tell you all about at some point (ooooh, mysterious). A lot of it was also spent giving a little support to my blogging buddies as they slogged their way through 24hrs of bloggage in aid of others (see my last post).

I've been there, I've done that, I know how hard it is so BIG congratualtions to all three of them (and of course all the others who did it as well) for raising over $1,300 between them in total. I may well take part again next year. ;)

I now have to start concentrating on next Saturday which will see an event not seen in these parts for over a year - a party at my place!! It's been a while and I felt a little rusty when trying to come up with party ideas, but after discounting having another bouncy castle and hog roasty party (due to crappy weather and not being organised enough to book the stuff) I hit on the idea of a beer festival.

Basically, everyone one brings two bottles of some unusual beery beverage. With enough people coming and a few bottle supplied by me and my housemate, we should end up with a fine selection of exotic foreign beers and strange English ales.

I made a start already yesterday with the purchase of two bottles of Piddle in the Hole. Not only does it have a name which appeals to my teenage sense of humour, it was also only 99p a bottle. Can't go wrong...

Go visit these people!

Bunni
Bakerina
Betty

They are all 'thoning, and remembering back to last year when I did it, it's nice to get some support. Tho Betty is an old hand. Still a long haul ahead for them all tho!

So go.

Now.

(and if you want to see what I got up to last year, then check this out.

If you are ever stuck for what new and exciting alcholic drink to make, try Droogle.

This may come in very handy for the big party we are having next weekend. More on that soon....
(link via Bacon and Eh's)

This is quite addictive. My highest score was lvl 41 with 914,000 points. Then someone phoned me with a stupid question. Git.
(link via Danger Betty

Need to send and ecard to someone? Try a Bad Taste Bears ecard.

Oh dear god...
"Because the only thing cuter than a baby, is an iPodified baby"

Is iPodified even a word?

So not only am I the number one Google search result for BlogMonkey (and have been for a while) but I am also the number one result for the words Blog and Monkey. Out of over two and a half million pages.

It just made me happy. I'm easily pleased.

Yesterdays lack of bloggage was due not to me being lazy (for a change) but cos I was actually busy on the little project that I hinted at a while ago. Least I think I remember hinting at it....?

Anyway, in honour of her participation in Blogathon 2005 - and cos she's a sweetie - I decided to make a few wee changes to the lovely Bunni's blog. Ok, maybe more than a few.

Yesterday was the offical unveiling and I was quite pleased that all the Blogger tags I'd put in worked perfectly first time. Of course then there was the obligatory 3 hours of cursing IE cos some things didn't look the way they were supposed to. But I got those sorted in the end.

I'm quite pleased with it actually. The only problem is that this place now looks a tad shabby. Ok, a lot shabby. Time for a little redecorating methinks.....

When I went home a few months back, my mum was telling me how her cat was acting a bit strange.

Now that's not too unusual to be honest as the big lardy lump of fluff is not exactly known for his intelligence. Like the time he started sleeping in the greenhouse in the garden next door cos it was nice and warm. He'd always run away when he saw them coming (as he was also the biggest coward you could imagine) but on one occasion he was so fast asleep that he didn't notice them. He was so startled when they dropped something that he just bolted in a random direction - straight through one of the bottom panes of glass - and kept on going. Lucky his head was pretty hard.

You'd often see him sat in the middle of the lawn in the rain. We were never sure if it was laziness or stupidity.

So anyway I notice that he was indeed acting a little more odd then normal on this ocasion but after a few minutes of watching him I realised why.

"He cant see anything" I tell her.

"What?" asks my mum.

"He's as blind as a bat - look" I say, waving my hand in front of the oblivous cats face and pulling faces at him.

"Well I know he's losing his eyesight a little...." she tells me. We watch as he walks off and walks head first into a wall.

He'd been pretty much blind for a month and she hadn't noticed.

She phones me yesterday to tell me she'd taken him to the vets and had to have him put to sleep. His heart followed his failing eyes, ears (was stone deaf as well) and brain (tho we are sure that went many years back). She's going to miss him terribly.

I had this picture blown up and printed for her a couple of weeks back. See ya round you big doofus!

This is fantastic and I so want one. Not for me, just to give to someone else to annoy the hell out of them.

I'd want one that was small, round, cute and actually had little legs to run away with tho...

Amusing email query of the day from a new student starting in September.

"Can you tell me how long Freshers Week is?"

Glad to see the intelligence of new students remains high....

So I missed it this year.

"what's that?" I hear you cry.

The second anniversary of my blogging life, that's what. Two years and (near enough) two thousand posts. Cor, where does the time go?!

I'm hoping I forget the next important anniversary in my life in four weeks time - being in this job for 8 years! Unfortunately it seems embedded in my brain (probably by the continual pounding of my head against the table as I repeatedly wonder why I'm still here....)