Crack dealer hands out his own business cards. Oddly enough he got arrested when the police got hold of one...

Today has been declared as Beloved Wives Day by the Japan Doting Husband Association (English part of the site not working unfortunately).

With divorce rates very high they are trying to encourage men to be better husbands and offering such sagely advice as

"...calling one's wife by her name rather than grunting."

It's the little things that show someone you care.

Vatican charges for quoting the pope. I'm sure that money will be donated to a good cause....

*cough*

(link via Lemur in a bag)

I spent all yesterday morning waiting in for the engineers from BT to come and set up my phone line. You'd assume that as there are two phone sockets in the flat it would be a simple case to get reconnected. Turns out the lines have never been connected so hence the engineers and the £75 charge for setting it up. Agency didn't mention that when they were showing me round the flat did they.....

My mum is also such a creature of habit. Normally Monday night is the night she phones me (6:30 on the dot) and having not heard from me last week I knew she'd try my mobile if she didn't hear from me this week too. I knew she'd wait til half past six. Then she'd wait til seven in case I was working late shift. My guess was she would call at 7:05 and sure enough at 7:07pm my phone vibrated across the pub table. Unfortunately I had no reception so it was just a voicemail from her. Guess I should call her tonight.

So now being connected I spent yesterday afternoon trying to find an ISP so that I can finally get back online. Again, not as easy as it sounds. Tiscali were my first choice but they couldn't supply me with broadband. Other providers were too expensive (with my online gaming I need at least 6GB of bandwidth a month) or too slow (my line won't support higher speeds). I'm pretty much left with UK Online who seem like a great choice if it wasn't for the fact that their reviews are either "10 stars - Amazing!!!" or "Avoid at all cost - 1 star!"

Hmmmm, might well have to risk it and hope I don't need any technical support from them.....

I seem to remember that Tim always wanted a flying car? Well, seems he just needs to pop down to Australia where they already have tham as this photo proves.....

Anyone watch Lost? Never seen it myself but I gather it is a program that keeps the audience guessing about what exactly is going on.

Well, someone thinks they've figured it out. Right or wrong, only time will tell. Got to give the guys marks for a superb theory tho.

Looks like 2006 will be a busy one for me fixing poorly secured student laptops that have been compromised. I've already spent several hours trying to fix laptops this week alone (including a period of twenty minutes where I first tried videoing and then taking a picture of a rather fleeting error message). All for free as well - the students are so lucky.

According to the report, the average cost of fixing a virus infected laptop is £261.61. What they don't mention is that this is just the cost of calling the Dell support line.....

Almost naked animals - a website best described by itself.

There's not much here besides animals wearing underpants

One of my work colleagues has just given me a little box full of house warming things. A cooking tray, a sharp knife, tin opener, tea towels, some crockery etc...

I didn't know what to say.

Someone else gave me a lovely house warming card this morning. It's only the second card I've recieved (the other being from my mum who used it to hide the money she was sending me. I keep opening letters to find five pound notes from her and little messages to "buy something nice for the flat").

Some people are so nice.

Sex cuts public speaking stress. This is before the speech I should add and not during. Tho thinking back to Police Accademy 4.....

Demons and exploding hamsters - it'll keep you ocupied for a few minutes anyway...

Something to keep in mind next time you leave your TV on standby. I've taken to turning most stuff off when I'm not using it nowdays. The proof will come when I get my first electric bill....

I do like how the article states that we will have 74 million TV's by 2020 but 80 million set top boxes by 2010. Something doesn't quite add up there....

Something useful to note. Not only am I trying to cut down on the electricty I'm using - turning stuff off, energy efficient lightbulbs, short showers (doubly good as I have a water meter too) - but when I was setting up my account with Powergen I noticed they had a GreenPlan. This wasn't mentioned to me the first time I phoned them so I asked about it the second time I rang up to give my meter readings and got transfered over to it straight away. Turns out there is no difference in cost to me and it's part of them having to meet some government guidline (5% from renewables I think she said). I would imagine the reason they are not pushing this is

We guarantee to match every unit of electricity supplied to GreenPlan customers with one from a renewable source. Our chosen source is hydro electric power.

The more people that sign up, the more from renewables they have to get (and that's more expensive I believe).

Worth checking for similar things from your own electricity supplier I think.

So with a lot of help from the lovely Miss C - who ferried me back and forth between places, took me to the rubbish dump and shopping at Asda for some essentials - I'm now all moved in. Currently I have zero furniture. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. So I'm sleeping on the floor, sitting on the floor, eating on (not off of) the floor and living out of suitcases (or stuff that's piled on the floor). You get the general idea....

I'm quite liking the place. Except my kitchen door handle is falling off. But besides that. No internet access of course unless I leach off of one of the unsecured wireless networks around me. Which of course I'd never do!

*Cough*

Stop looking at me like that! Innocent I say!

Anyway, the TV people are still harassing me and I had a letter by recorded delivery this morning saying that enforcement officers will be coming to see me and it's the first step in a prosecution if they find evidence of me watching the telly with no licence. I might just let them to be honest. I can even ask them about this if they pop round as it would be handy. Couldn't offer them a cuppa tho - no kettle...

The highly informative (and comprehensive) list of calories burned during sex. My favourite part.

Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.)

(link via Jennifer)

I had a good chuckle reading this and it brought back so many memories of playing games like it on my old speccy. One in particular - called something like Harpers Revenge (and I think I still have it so I could check) - really infuriated me for a long time. I tried everything I could but I would always end up in a basement flat with no obvious other way to get out (That windows is too small. That door is locked. That wall is too hard to break through) except through the front door - at which point I promptly got shot each time.

Happy memories....

(link via Bloggerheads)

Things not to do when you have to get up at 5:30 the next morning.

Go to the pub for a couple of drinks. Visit offie to purchase beer made of strange things like heather and elderflower. Go round to mates house to play poker, drink aforementioned beers and eat chinese takeaway 'til gone 11pm.

I don't feel so great this morning.

On the plus side, I won over a fiver. Ok, not huge money but better than nowt...

This is pretty nifty and would be handy for pub quizes. Got a tune in your head but can't remember which song it is or who wrote it. Simply tap out the tune at Song Tapper as you hum along and it matches the tune to the song for you. I was dubious but it got I'm a Believer (the Monkeys) and All Star (Smashmouth) straight off.

Pretty much everything is now pack and I'm just waiting for Miss C to give me a lift with it all. Thrown so much away - mostly clothes. Really do have a habbit of putting faded and worn clothes in a cupboard "just in case I need them". Meant I had about ten pairs of jeans, twenty shirts and countless t-shirts to bin amongst other things. Some of the stuff had nothing really wrong with it. The suit I wore to my graduation. My first leather jacket. Trouble is I know I will never wear them again so I was ruthless and into the bag they went.

I am now internetless as the PC has also been packed. A month without being able to play online computer games. I'm already suffering from withdrawl.....

Work is totally dead at the moment but I suppose at least that gives me time to do my job evaluation. What's that you ask? Well, in order to bring all the pay scales in line, everyone has to benchmark their job. Seems a bit pointless as everyone is also going to exagerate what they do to make sure they get the same (if not more) money. Same for me as if I actually put down my workload I'd be due a £10,000 pay cut.

I also hate doing these things. Really hate them.

I woke up with a start at 4am this morning after having been dreaming about weddings. I couldn't get back to sleep after. Think my subconcious is trying to tell me something?

MuVo now playing Delerium: A Poem for Byzantium.

Sorry for being a bit quiet the last couple of days. To make up for it I give you some solid gold links that are guaranteed to make you smile.

I must have linked to this before as I've definitely seen it but even if I have, you just can't beat a bit of the Hoff. And this bit is pure genius. All hail the Hoff. He was good in the Spongebob Squarepants movie too.

Now you really shouldn't laugh at this guy. Oh wait, what am I talking about. No, you should laugh.

Everyone knows ninjas are great. And every one knows pirates are great. So anything involving ninjas and pirates must be pant wettingly fantastic!!

Don't forget the lesser known ninja squid and his arch enemy R. Matey - two badass sea creatures if ever I saw them...

Norway is planning on building a doomsday vault to hold a huge crop seed bank so that the world won't go hungry in the event of a global natural disaster, nuclear war or robot uprising.

My guess is that they would have had to use a big stick to beat off the number of male professors and postgrads who wanted to take part in this research. Maybe beat off was the wrong phrase to use there....

One of the things I'm not doing when I move in is getting a TV. Sounds crazy I know but seriously, I never watch it anymore. For the last year I've been paying half a subscription for Sky and what have I been watching? Repeats of The Simpsons, various programs (usually repeats) on the cartoon channels, the odd series like Stargate. The majority of my time at home has been spent online instead of sitting in front of the box.

It almost seems fated that just as I'm giving up my telly watching I find a blog all about TV. Now I can still join in all those conversations about who's been evicted from the Big Brother house when down the pub with my mates....

Link blogrolled btw. :)

I am expecting a visit from the TV licencing people, mainly as there was a letter waiting for me in the flat saying "We've not heard from you, expect a visit from us!". That is one thing that really bugs me about the BBC. Even if I don't want to watch any of their programs I have to but a licence. I can't even buy a sodding telly so that I can use my playstation or watch DVD's without having to get a TV licence! And if you decide you don't want a telly, you get harassed as they assume you must have one and are just trying to avoid buying a licence. Guilty until proven innocent it seems...

It's amazing how much crap you can accumulate over the years without even trying. So far I've thrown away about one and a half large bags of rubbish. That's not bad going considering I've only cleared out under my bed and a small bedside cabinet. I'm also not going to tell you how much dust was under my bed (but it was a lot - I think the dust bunnies actually suffocated on it)

My drive to save money and help the environment is also steaming ahead. I've just replaced all the light bulbs in the flat (or would have replaced all if one hadn't been broken and one the wrong sort) with energy efficient ones. Only cost me a tenner and I should make that back within a year easily with saving on electricty. If only I could make it to Asda where I could have got them for only 47p each....

My actual moving in has hit a slight hiccup as I currently have no transportation. My own fault for giving Miss C my cold I guess. Moving stuff one bag at a time at the minute. It may take a while.

I am planning on taking a few photos of the place as well but keep forgetting my camera.

It's all true you know.

Unusual but quite clever.

I had an email from Miss C asking me to find a link to something she'd seen on the telly to prove to her workmates that she wasn't going mad. Being t'interwebnet expert that I am, it didn't take me long....

Czech Big Brother program staring gorillas.

So after almost exactly eight years, I am once again ready to move and live on my own. Will be a bit strange. I remember when I moved out of my last place, wondering what it would be like living in a shared house again after well over a year of having my own place. I adapted pretty quickly. Should be the same this time I think.

I'm sort of looking forward to it as unlike last time - when I had no job (dark days) - I actually have money to spend on things like furniture this time. I can make the place my own. Of course the cost of living on your own is a hell of a lot higher than when you share a house so I won't have 'that' much money to play around with...

I'm thinking this may be good. Okay, maybe not good - having less money is never good - but it may help me get into some good, money saving habits. Taking packed lunches to work, not buying food that I'll end up throwing away, turning the lights off when I'm not in a room to save electrickery. I've been trying to become more environmentally friendly as the years have passed. This is a good chance to see how well I can do in some areas.

How to survive a robot uprising. You may laugh but you'll be glad you read these handy hints when your beloved Roomba starts chasing you around the house!

Drum and base defeats alien invasion.

Also quite like this gentle tune called Wonderland from Sol Seppy.

Defend the world (and your Christmas dinner) from eeeeeeeviiiil in its purest form - Attack of the Sprouts. Made me chortle. It gets faster so stay with it.

Want to go somewhere and see something a little different on your next holiday? Try the The Bureau of Atomic Tourism.

On an entirely different note, ever wondered which is better for you - tea or beer? No, I've never been in much doubt either but should you wish some proof, take a look at some extracts from a book published in 1822. I though this part was particularly accurate...

The tea drinking fills the public-houses, makes the frequenting of it habitual, corrupts boys as soon they are able to move from home, and does little less for the girls, to whom the gossip of the tea-table is no bad preparatory school for the brothel. At the very least, it teaches them idleness. The everlasting dawdling about, with the slops of the tea-tackle, gives them a relish for nothing that requires strength and activity. When they go from home, the know how to do nothing that is useful. To brew, to bake, to make butter, to milk, to rear poultry; to do any earthly thing of use they are wholly unqualified. To shut poor young creatures up in manufactories is bad enough: but there, at any rate, they do something that is useful; whereas the girl that has been brought up, merely to boil the tea kettle, and to assist in the gossip inseparable from the practice, is a mere consumer of food, a pest to her employer, and a curse to her husband, if any man be so unfortunate as to affix his affections upon her.

Take that you women tea drinkers!

Do you believe in karma? Maybe this guy does now. Who had the last laugh? Probably us reading the story and not the mouse to be honest....

Maybe a slight exageration but I am back in the land of living rather than the living dead. My head no longer feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool and I had a reasonably decent nights sleep last night.

Minus the 20 minutes where I had a full on coughing fit - where my nose became some sort of mini Niagra Falls and I was almost sick I was coughing so hard.

Errr, maybe I'm sharing too much there. Forget that last bit...

But now I'm back and all set for getting my flat keys tomorrow and entering the world of spending hundreds of pounds on furniture.

Let the crap posting commence - I have many days to make up for!

The Good
I had a phonecall yesterday to tell me that all my checks were ok and that I could go and sign the contract and pickup the keys to the flat this Friday lunchtime. So, looks like I'm moving out. I can imagine the gossip on our street now.

"You know Doris, I think that nice gay couple down the road have split up. I've not seen the shaven headed chap in weeks you know...."

The Bad
Remember all the overtime I did over Christmas? My plan was to bulk it all together and get a (half way decent) bit of overtime money. Is that going to happen? Nope!

For some reason they will only submit 4 hours of the work I did as paid overtime. The rest will be time in leu. So that means I get another 2 days of holiday I don't really want and (by my calculations) a huge twenty quid extra to spend next month (that's after taxes etc..). Oh joy, now I can afford that sofa for my new flat....

The Meh
Well, that's me. I have a cold at the moment and whilst I'm not really ill I do feel half asleep. And keep coughing. Must have looked like the helpdesk was being manned by the living dead this morning. Hence my not posting yesterday and probably not much in the way of posting today.

I will return, *cough* fitter and *splutter* more posty than ever tho! *sneeze*

A lighthearted start to the morning. What would happen if all the worlds most amazing villians and heroes had a punchup - The Ultimate Showdown.

Personally I think the Gummi Bears would kick arse with their gummiberry juice...

So my application for the flat went in today. Of course they wouldn't start processing the application until they had their money grubbing hands on my well earned (ok, sort of earned) cash. So not wanting to risk someone sneaking in before me whilst they waited for a cheque to clear, I had to make a second trip into town to draw out over £500 in cash to give to them.

Now I could understand them asking me for fifty quid to cover the credit and reference check, but do they really need my one months rent deposit as well?

Oh well, sit and wait now I guess.....

Another addition to the blogroll.

From The National Pist comes 201 ways to say you are drunk. Not that I'd ever need them...

Fun to play with for a bit. You draw a picture and it finds images on Flickr that look similar. Although that may depend on how well you can draw...

(link via The Presurfer)

Looks like I may well have found myself a place to live. I went for a second look at the flat I mentioned before Christmas and - after confirming that the landlord was happy with a reduced rent - will give in my application tomorrow. I'm assuming there won't be any problems....

Now all I have to do is find furniture. Already been offered a microwave however. Anyone else have any free stuff they want to give me.

Being my first day back at work (I don't count yesterday), I've also been feeling very much in the mood for not actually doing any. Work that is. So I haven't. Technically I had half the day off to go look at the flat this morning but that didn't take long and rather than go all the way home I came to work. It's been logged in my secret little file of 'Time off I'm owed by work' and at some point in the future I'll finish an hour or so early one day and sneak off home. But shhhhh, thats a secret.

Spent the rest of the day chatting to people (and hinting that I want free furniture).

Did I mention I want free furniture?

13 things that make no sense.

On a similar theme, The Top 10 Craziest Science Stuff you didn't know. Anyone got a chicken....?

Considering my trip to Cornwall at Christmas cost £105.40 (and of course took around 17 hours in total for the round trip), I wish I'd seen these tips before I went. The one about booking different parts of the journey seperately making it cheaper is one I might look into next time (especially with prices on the rise).

New year and I'm raring to go. Ok, not really but I can pretend.

I don't actually start back at work untill tomorrow but unfortunately they are running some 'tests' today so I've had to come in for a few hours. Well, I didn't really have to but telling the boss I couldn't really be bothered won't get me many brownie points. I also can't really help with anything that is going on - that's what all the technical people are in for - so I just have to get up once in a while and look interested and can then spend the rest of my time surfing the internet and eating chocolates leftover from before Christmas. And I'll get paid overtime for that. Not much overtime I'll grant you (lousy time and a half)

If only I could play computer games here as well....

Anyway, I received a nice email from someone the other day asking for me to take a look at his new blog and link to it if I liked it. Always one to try and encourage the new blogger, here it is - Lemur in a bag. Go take a look, full of the sort of stuff to help you waste away the hours when you should be working.