I'm on holiday from today until next Sunday and as usual I've left packing until the last minute and am running late, so no time for long goodbyes. Have a good week everyone and congratulations to all the 'thoners yesterday for a job well done.

It's Blogathon time so go see all the people that are doing it and give money or support. People like Betty, Bunni and Bakerina.

I so should have done this post when sober (althoug I appear to have actually spelt everything right).

Please read all of this post before deciding if you wish to click on the link it contains. Seriously.

I saw this page yesterday. I looked at it which is probably something I shouldn't have done whilst at work, but I did. I considered posting it but decided really that maybe some things shouldn't be posted.

Then I watched the news last night. I saw Bush and Blair talking about the situation in the Middle East. They wouldn't call for an immediate ceasefire, instead talking about "a framework that allows us to stabilise the situation for the medium and longer-term".

I don't claim to know the in's and outs of the situation. I know that it's probably not as simple as the rest of the world just saying "stop". I do know that Hezbollah is doing it's best to stir things up and that neither side is innocent. But I also know that Israel has by far the better weapons and ability to cause death and destruction. So how Bush and Blair can fail to say what is right and demand an immediate ceasefire - even if they have no power to make it happen (although the US supplying bombs to Israel can't help) - when they no doubt have access to pictures such as the ones contained on this page, is beyond me. That link contains many pictures of dismembered and mutilated corpses - including children - so please do not click on this link if that will offend you. How do they sleep at night?

Dirty Car Art.

Build your own tampon gun. To be honest I think you might be better of just throwing them. And what's with the noise the tampon makes when it hits the target in that video? Sounds like it's full of lead or something...

So whilst Condi is touring the Middle East saying how terrible it is that innocent people are dying, the US are flying out a nice supply of precision guided bombs from UK airports, to resupply Israel. Guess they must be running short what with using them for things like killing four UN observers.

I'd say more but I really don't think I need to...

An important lesson was learnt last night. Don't go round to a mates house to play poker when tired, drinking beer and feeling incredibly unmotivated. Twenty minutes, a dozen hands and a selection of crumby cards later and I'd already lost all the money I'd put in. A new record for me by at least an hour! Least it was only a fiver I suppose....

Maybe that lethargy has rolled over into today as well. For the past few weeks I've been meaning to fill in a job application for a post at a nearby university. The closing date is still a week away but as I'm off all next week I really needed to get it done. I started reading through the job description again - trying to prime myself with information and figure out which bits of my CV I should highlight - but you know what, I'm really not that interested in the job. If I'm honest, about the only reasons to apply for it are a)I'd earn an extra couple of thousand a year and b)I'd feel like my life was actually heading somewhere rather than stagnating as it currently is. Not good enough reasons in my mind seeing as how there are at least as many reason not to go for it. Plus I think their application form is badly designed.

Maybe I'll regret this decision in a weeks time but for now chalk up another victory for lethargy....

The interactive middle east buddies list. Quite handy considering current events...

It's not even Friday but here is your little taste of The Hoff for this week!

Just had to link to this as it's just so great!

Mucho congratulations to the Dopplefamily and their new addition.

I came home from work today to find two items on my doorstep (technically the postie had left one outside my door as it wouldn't fit through the letterbox - good job my neighbours are honest).

The first was in a large cardboard envelope and, suspecting what it might be, I eagerly ripped it open. Sure enough inside was my very own copy of Breakup Babes book! Little dissapointed that it wasn't autographed but it was free so you can't have everything I guess. Dove straight in and read a few chapters so far. Looking forward to the rest.

I opened the second letter also suspecting what it was. Yay - the next exciting installment of my harrasment by the TV licencing people. You have to wonder what sort of timeframe they work on - I've been getting letters for six months and there were several already waiting for me when I moved in.

"You are hereby notified that we have authorised officers from out Enforcement Division to visit your home and interview you under caution..."

Last I heard they were in my area and would visit me any day, yet they have only just been given authorization? Odd.

"To avoid an appearance in court before a magistrate I would strongly advise you to call blah or email blah blah..."

That was from a nice man called John Hales. Sounds serious doesn't he. I best write to them quick and... ah sod it, I'm far too lazy for that.

Chad Vader - Dayshift Manager.

Ever get sick of work? Try following this simple information leaflet to spice things up a little.

If you are looking for somewhere different to go, why not try Le Musée des grénouilles (that's frog museum to me and thee).

"Back in about 1850, a Napoleonic guards officer developed a fascination with frogs and started collecting them as a hobby. He extracted the innards through their mouths and refilled them with sand before putting them into displays."

Bet he was a real winner with the ladies...

My Life as a Celebrity Scientologist

"I decided to check myself into the Celebrity Center in Los Angeles - a Scientology retreat for the rich and famous. I made sure my friends knew where I was going and when to come and get me."

Some point in the last week marked the anniversary of me being in the flat for 6 months. Doesn't seem like yesterday that I was carting all my stuff over from the old place. Seems I timed my move quite well as sicne moving out (after living there for seven years) my former housemate has been hit by a burst pipe and flooded living room (while he was away for a week of course), telephone socket blown off the wall by a lightning strike and monthly visits from the insurance people to measure the cracks in the wall to see if the house has subsided any more.

Well timed indeed.

When I moved to the flat I felt motivated and had plans. Been a very long time since I had lived on my own and I was relishing the thought of what I could do now that I was back to that with the added bonus of having money this time round! The black leather sofa and black glass furniture were bought and kept fairly free of dust (ok, I admit I was pretty anal and flicked even the smallest bit of dust off whenever I saw it). The place was vacuumed with scary regularity. Dishes washed within an hour. Live herbs for the windowsill were purchased and I had plans about all the exotic dishes I was going to learn to cook. I'd have a wine rack filled with a nice selection (as well as a few bottles of cold white in the fridge). People would be invited around for dinner or cocktail parties.

So six months on how did I fare you might be wondering?

My furniture shopping died out after a couple of months. My clothes still lie on the floor of the bedroom which contains nothing more than a bed. My books are still in boxes awaiting a bookshelf. Half my sofa sits permanantly by my computer desk as I lack a chair - the other half sits unwanted in the corner gathering dust along with the coffee table and shelves. The room looks bare with no cushions, rug or things on the wall.

The herbs are withered and barely clinging to life - unused as most of my meals are takeaways or pub dinners. There is no wine rack and even if there were it would be empty as bottles are lucky to last two days once I bring them home. There are no cocktail parties.

Methinks I may need to put a little more effort into a more organised life...

And kinda scary...

The Big Lebowski - F_cking Short Version.

Something for you folks down in London that like doing things for charity - self pleasure-a-thon (I'm avoiding using that particular word as I know just how much dodgy internet traffic it will bring in....)

"Participants ask friends and loved ones to sponsor them for a certain amount of money for every minute they 'bash the bishop/twiddle the mouse wheel' during the 'You Know What'-A-Thon" (words changed to protect my blogs innocence)

Now I'm an open minded chap but I think I might draw the line at calling up my mum and saying "Mum, I wondered if you'd sponsor me for polishing the old rocket?"

Loving the animation style - Email!!

"Hey regular penis, guess what!? SHUN!"

Brought a smile to my face at the end of a very dull and boring day - Star Trek Sings Knights of the Round Table.

So why not watch said fury in action.

Of course the suspicious side of me would think it odd that the blog was conveniently started just before he was caught cheating and why there were so many hints mentioned that he was having an affair before hand. But I don't have a suspicious side so that's ok.

How did I miss this for so long? I really must be slacking lately. This is about as coherent and technical as I'd expect from my mum - and she has trouble working a mouse with less than two hands! Senator Ted Stevens (Chairman of the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation) talking about why he voted against the Net neutrality Bill.

"Ten Movies streaming across that, that internet, and what happens to your own personal internet?

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially...

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

It's a series of tubes.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."

I may use that next time someone asks me why we can't block spam or why their computer took an extra two minutes to start up - "Well you see the internet is a series of tubes..."

Edit: - Be sure to check out the dance remix.

I quite liked this - Tankmen.

Best laugh I've had all day (and that includes the bloke this morning that shouted at me, stormed out and then emailed to say it was my fault for getting angry with him - he really needs to distinguish angry from totally unintrested).

"Look at that horse - the bushy tails, the big teeth, the hooves"

Prat.

Makes for interesting reading.

Wonder how long before our government feel the need to install something like this?

Learn stuff and get to play with virtual mice.

Need something to liven up your next house party? Why not book a big name band or celeb. I mean who wouldn't want to book The Fonz as a motivational speaker?

This is a very handy tip for Firefox users. At least now I won't have to shout "Noooooo!" everytime I click a link and realize it's actually a pdf file...

Funny and true. Makes me want to sign up for the Silver Ring Thing....

Liked it - a lot.

The Amazing Screw-on Head.

I know, I've been slacking. Lets see if we can do something about that....

First up, requests. The lovely Bunni has asked that I do a little publicizing of this years Blogathon.



Seems only fair considering I backed out like a big girly after saying I was going to take part. Be sure to pop along to support Bakerina, Betty and one of the two blogs Bunni is running for the event. And by support I mean give money. Don't make her sick her army of zombie hell bunnies on you....

I've also had a request from this guy to link to his eBay auction for a gift voucher for absolutely nothing. Considering he was one of - if not the - first person to ever link to my blog (and that was back in the day when I wasn't BlogMonkey), I'm more than happy to do so. Let me know how many you sell. :)

Right, thats that done. Next, update time.

I've finally got round to updating Bettys link to her new URL (without the dash). Removed a no longer updated blog and added two more to my blogroll - Ample Sanity and Enjoy Every Sandwich (he's crude but meh). I should really look after by blogroll more...

Ever go through those phases where you lose the motivation for doing stuff. Work, tidying up, blogging - that sort of thing. Even important things like insuring the contents of your flat just seem like a bit to much effort.

Hmm, I'd finish this post but I've just lost intere....

Looks like the West African black rhino is now extinct then...

I'd never heard of urtication before. Maybe that's a good thing.

Mildy NSFW

Some strange statues around the world. Some are quite cool, others are just very weird...

Directors leaving do + Free Wine + Commitment to drinking all free wine + Pub after = Not feeling so well today.

Note to self. When overhearing your boss asking someone if you will be sober enough to lock up the building and set the alarms, do not grin stupidy and give him a big thumbs up to calm his fears.

Nothing like inspiring a bit of fear and paranoia in people...

This site is a goldmine of fantastic ideas and interesting stories. Check out this mobile phone, build your own submarine or learn how to cure your hayfever by giving the inside of your nose a nice tan.

Monty Pyton vs Star Wars.

Speaking of Star Wars, check out this bit of fun from William Shatner.

So shell reckons that using food crops to create biofuel is morally innapropriate.

"We think morally it is inappropriate because what we are doing here is using food and turning it into fuel. If you look at Africa, there are still countries that have a lack of food, people are starving, and because we are more wealthy we use food and turn it into fuel. This is not what we would like to see. But sometimes economics force you to do it."

And this from the company that made just over £13 billion profit last year....

It's Friday, time for some Hoff.

Apparently these ads have been put up in Holland by Sony. Racist or not? Foolish mistake or clever gimmick?

Personally I don't see them as racist although I can see how people might. I think the fact that you'll probably only see one image in isolation before you get to see the others which provide balance is likely to colour your opinion too.

The Pee-pee TeePee. I honestly can't think of anything else to say about them really. Well, except that just after I was born I was placed (naked) in a cot next to an open window in the hospital and my mum looked over to find me launching a wet barrage at anyone that happened to be walking under the window at that point. Apparently. Power and placement at such an early age - I really was skilled....

Maybe not look at this if you're just about to eat - man who had a large part of his head fall off becomes celebrity.

Now to me it seems that if you are sober enough to breathalyze yourself with your mobile phone then you already know if you should be driving or not and probably won't be tempted to send those "I still love you!!1!" text messages to your ex. Any system that requires the sensible interaction of a drunk person has a fatal flaw in my mind...

It's something I've mentioned before but it does make you wonder why governments won't implement something as simple as changing lightbulbs as a policy...?

Love the magnetic floaty bed, although some people have pointed out a few minor problems (and the $1.5 million price tag is not one of them).

The University is currently (or nearing the end of) 'harmonizing' it's workforce. Sounds nice doesn't it. Errr, no.

Having different pay scales, working hours and the like for academic, clerical and technical staff is bad - apparently - so we are being 'harmonized' to become one big happy family. And what exactly does that entail you may well ask. Well it goes something like this....

Clerical staff do less hours than technical staff (35 hours per week compared to 37). That's not fair at all is it when everyone is supposed to be the same! So let's bump those hours up slightly to thirty six and a half hours a week. You want to be paid for that extra work time? 'Fraid not unless you happen to get a slight wage increase once your worth to the university and new pay grade have been evaluated.

Technical staff are still working longer than Clerical and that's not fair so lets reduce their working week down a bit to the same level. Hmmm, but now we are paying them the same to do less work - can't have that. So lets cancel the paid breaks they currently get meaning they acually have to do two hours more work a week than before. Yes, that's fair and 'harmonized' as clerical staff don't get paid breaks either.

That's the basics of it anyway although everyone is keenly waiting to find out exactly where they appear on the new pay scale after every job has been evaluated and placed appropriately. I'm guessing there won't be a huge number of people getting paid more than before.

"There will be winners and losers" was a statement on one of the official letters issued. Winners = The University. Losers = everyone else.

Personally it doesn't affect me. Mine is a demand based job. If no one has any problems, I've got no work to do. Me sat surfing the internet whilst waiting for some work looks very much like me sat surfing the internet whilst on a break so the removal of those breaks isn't gonna bother me overly much.

Now the rumours about them wanting to axe my shift allowance too - well that could result in a technicians section that has no technicians in it....

Mmmmm, doughnuts....

SOunds like a cushy job - cinema piracy detective

"Today I'm going to teach you how to spot someone illegally filming a movie. Look for the guy with the video camera. Lesson over."

Maybe they need to realize that this is happening for one of three reasons.

1. People are fed up with having to wait for six months after the film is released before they can go and buy it.

2. They have heard that the 'big budget blockbuster' movie is actually a pile of steaming poo but feel they may as well spend a quid buying a dodgy copy from Dave down at the car boot sale just so they can say they have seen it.

3. They don't want to pay the expensive cinema entry prices or five quid for a bag of popcorn just to see a flm that will likely turn out to be rubbish anyway.

Solutions. Release movies onto DVD sooner, stop making crap films and lower cinema prices.